Telephone Booth

J. Scott Smith

There remains one thing that has to be said
For a man I'm certain must be dead
The man who devised that sure-fire trap
     for some reason called a telephone booth

Well you step inside and deposit your dime
Which must really mean you've committed a crime
Because that contraption turns into
     an instant jail cell

Now you can push and pull to no avail
And huff and puff until you're pale
Simply because someone believed
     in private telephone calls

Since your dime is gone you might as well
Try to call and procure some help
To release yourself from this most efficient
     of all man-traps

     (It's even got the woman beat!)

The operator would only laugh at you
Your wife would send you to the zoo
The fire department said they only handle
     cats stuck in trees

So you're stuck without a single chance
Unless you catch a policeman's glance
Then you'll wish you had remained
     stuck inside the crystal cage

He'll ask just who it is you think you are
A super-hero or other kind of shining star?
Then cuff you up and haul you away
     to spend the night in another cage

     Early American "Iron Bar" decor, no less!

Now you try to explain to the man in charge
That you're not a vandal running at large
Seeking to destroy, for the sake of fun,
     everything that can't get up and run

The glass you broke, you continue to say
Was caused by fate in the course of the day
By way of a simpleton door on a little booth
     that does nothing but jam

Save your breath, you're told, 'cause on the morrow
The judge will want to hear this tale of sorrow
And tell you then what it will take to fix
     the source of the devil's play

So you rise that morn and rehearse you tale
And set out on your journey up Courthouse Trail
Traversing your way to a dismal future
     of thirty days and petty fines

To the judge again you repeat your crime
Caused by the act of placing your dime
Into a slot which closed the door
     and started you on this course

     A life of crime brought on by a dime!

But to my surprise the judge said to me
That this time insurance would pay the fee
And I should take care next time
     and not get in such a worry

I left that place with a happy smile
But this I was thinking all the while
Never again if I need to call will I chance
     to be caught in such a trap

There remains one thing that has to be said
For a man I really wish wasn't dead
Let him step inside his grand invention
     and then try and step out again!

Plain Text Show Notes


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